Vivication

Fingernails peel the grime of my skin

Years of agony layered upon one another

Why can I not be so fond of myself?

I have nothing to lose

All is lost

In the netherworld of anger and spite

As I fall quietly asleep in fright

Does not the hummingbird have good flight?

When the the sun and the air collide

And produce the sweet succulent taste

Of crisp morning dew

The beginning of a new era

I am a new person

The dew clears the blood

The sweat

The tears of emotion off my body

I am reborn

It's kind of a funny story.

Para você~

It's kind of funny how thoughts are all jumbled in your head. It's like a bedroom drawer- there's stuff in there you didn't even know existed, and when you look at it, all these memories flood back as if it happened yesterday. Then something happens, and it all shuffles around and stands in order. It all makes sense now. Or does it?

It's kind of funny how someone can enter your life unexpectedly and change you. Not a bad kind of change. A good one. From the moment you got to know that person, did you think that they could impact your life greatly? Did you think this relationship/friendship/whatever-you-call-it could influence what you want to do in life, or what hobbies you want to try? Did you know it would expose you to a completely different world that you didn't know much about?

I didn't.

It all kind of hit me at once today. It hit me, but still, everything is still the same. Nothing's changed. Interesting, and kind of funny.

I'm actually grateful this happened today. It made me cherish the friendship more and realize how happy I am to have them in my life. 

It doesn't necessarily have to be a "lover" or whatever. I never said mine was. The person I'm talking about is, in a way, all in one. A good friend, a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to, maybe in the future something even greater might happen. Whatever it will or will not be, I'll always be grateful for this person. Your's might be a good friend, a neighbor, a pet, a teacher. Anyone.

It's kind of funny how someone random can impact your life that much, isn't it?

P.S.

Muito obrigada por tudo, e eu te amo, meu fofinho ! <3

Cheating... the first kind.

I would prefer even to fail with honor than win by cheating. 

-Sophocles  

      On Thursday, December 20th, after a long day of finals, I visited my AP Psychology teacher, Mrs. Roberts, to give her a Christmas card that I made. Placing it on her desk, I turned around and was about to leave when she called me over. She had a grave look on her face and said, "Kristina, someone cheated off your test." I was so shocked that someone would do that since I never leave my answers out in the open. Obviously the cheater had exceptional vision if he was able to see my answers, in my opinion. I shook my head in disbelief, saying that I had no idea that this was happening. She gave me the benefit of the doubt, which made me feel terrible inside since I felt that she didn't trust me. Yet I understood that as a teacher, she should make her decision without bias. She admonished me for not being careful because in college, the professor won't care who cheated and who didn't. If your answers were the same as someone else's, voila, here's a 0%. I was about to leave when it hit me: why would someone cheat off of me if each row got a different test, and the person behind me couldn't see my answers? She was nodding at me as I asked her that because the person who cheated didn't know we had different tests, and honestly, after that moment, I felt sorry for that person. I didn't pity them for getting caught; I pitied them for their stupidity. Yes, it can be rude to say that, but they were stupid to even think about cheating. From the very beginning, I've put blood, sweat, and tears into studying and doing my best in all my classes, and that cheater believed he could get away with his laziness. So, moral of the story is, no matter how you cheat, you're going to get caught. Whether it's your teacher, boss, friend, or even your conscious that might get to you, the consequences of lying and cheating are agonizing. It's not worth it. The lesson I learned from this situation was to be careful and not so naïve. I honestly trusted all these students, and I thought that all of them knew that the tests were different. Obviously, some of us aren't the brightest crayons in the box. And at that moment, I was one of those dull-colored crayons for not being careful. Thankfully, no bad consequences were seen in this situation, but I'm glad this happened during high school and not in college, where my entire career could be jeopardized.

P.S. Karma has a good sense of humor. ;)

Love yourself

To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now.

-Alan Cohen 

One of the hardest things in life for me was to learn to love myself for who I was. I would constantly bring myself down, telling myself how I wasn't liked by anyone, that my teeth were crooked, that I wasn't as skinny as the other girls. After going through a difficult time with accepting myself and not pretending to be someone else, I finally defeated that little devil inside me that constantly said, "You're not pretty enough. You're not good enough. You'll never have friends. People don't like you." During this time, I turned toward Jesus, who is my friend and savior. I prayed to Him constantly, and he listened. Consoling in him relieved my heart of the pain I carried. Jesus took my backpack of insecurities and carried them for me along the way to my success, which was loving myself for who I am. I won't delve in to anymore detail of how I overcame it, but I'll talk about it in the future. This experience and rocky journey has motivated me to try things that I've never imagined trying. These things were so simple yet life-changing. Now, as a young adult (I still can't believe I'm 18 now!), I've learned to not judge myself, and that has led me to become accepting of others. Obviously, as a human being, I'm going to judge at times, but it's because of my personal set of morals, etc. It's human nature, peeps! ;) I do have my flaws, like being lazy at times, or overly sarcastic, or procrastinating. Those are things that can be easily fixed... tomorrow. :D But as a whole, I've changed substantially; I've become a compassionate and altruistic person, looking up to my mother and Jesus as selfless role models. All this has been achieved through learning to love myself dearly, and I hope my little vignettes could be of some use to you :) <3