Feeling like shit is totally ok.

Anytime I feel a hint of a negative emotion, I go into panic-mode.

"Why am I feeling this?"
"Why am I not feeling happy?... Oh no, that means I'm an unhappy person!"
"I am so negative."
"Everyone will think I am negative."
"I can never be 100% happy."

Well, at least one of these is somewhat correct. 

Let's dissect the following statement: "I can never be 100% happy."

What is 100% happy? How is happiness measured? What exactly is happiness? Why are we expected to always be happy? 

If we are not 100% happy, it does not mean that we are miserable. It is completely okay to feel other emotions besides happiness, and they don't always have to be positive.

Why is it when we feel happy, we don't think, "I am such a positive and happy person!", but when we have a single negative emotion or feeling, we beat ourselves up - "I'm such a negative person. I don't know what it's like to be happy."

Yes, you do. Everyone has felt happiness at some point in their lives. It also depends what you define as happiness - is it something that needs to be grandiose, or something as simple as having a nice cup of coffee for breakfast?

It is unfair to allow a particular emotion to define our entire life. If you are feeling happy at that moment, then you are happy - at that moment. If you are sad, then you are sad - at that moment.

It is time that we start living in the moment and not be so critical of the emotions that we feel. We are putting too much pressure on ourselves to constantly feel happy, and that may result in increased risk of developing negative emotions due to the unrealistic goal of feeling happy all the time.

Instead of seeking to feel happy all the time, we should strive for self-compassion. 

Would you expect your friend to be happy all the time? If so, then you have extremely high expectations of your friend, and you have set yourself up for disappointment and risk hurting your friendship. So, why would you set such high expectations for yourself, especially with something so fragile as your emotions and feelings?

Be gentle with yourself.

Think - "This too shall pass."

Trying the Plant-Based Diet: My First Few Days

I'm posting pretty late, about 5 days later after I decided to try the vegan plant-based diet.

Yes, I understand that "being vegan" is a lifestyle- not a diet. That's fantastic, and I am working towards that. Knowing myself, I can't quit things cold turkey or else it's not sustainable. I've changed quite a lot of my habits over the past 2 years, so I think I'm on the right track.

Before I transitioned into this diet, I no longer purchased meat or milk. I craved cheese a lot, and for protein, I would eat 1-2 non-fat Greek yogurts a day. I rarely ate fish, but I'd eat it when I would go out for sushi on some weekends. Therefore, it was pretty easy for me to just say, "Hey, why not try cutting out animal products?"

I set the following rules for my diet:

1. Eat strictly vegan from Monday through Friday.
2. If I am out with friends on Saturday and Sunday, I can order whatever I'd like if the vegan options are poor.
3. Drink loads of water.
4. Exercise at least 5 times a week.

Day 1: May 4th, 2017

On my first day of trying the vegan plant-based diet after my stomach-bursting binge, I decided to eat raw.

Wow! I'm pleasantly surprised that I actually ate raw. I had loads of carrots, celery, sugar snap peas, raspberries, home-made gazpacho soup, cucumbers, honeydew melon, chia seeds, cashews, brazilian nuts.

I had so much energy! My body felt light, and I did not feel bloated at the end of the day.

I drank about 120 fluid ounces of water.

Day 2: May 5th, 2017

I'm feeling GREAT!

For breakfast, I ate plain almond yogurt (so much tastier than Greek yogurt!), chia seeds, raspberries, and bit of unsweetened coconut flakes for a nice flavor.

For the rest of the day until dinner, I ate loads of vegetables and some hummus before my awesome workout.

So around 5 in the afternoon after school, I made some gazpacho soup in a blender again. Literally, it took me less than 10 minutes total. I'll be posting the recipe in a little bit. It's great for a raw plant-based diet as well!

Here came the ultimate test for me: finding a delicious vegan meal while out with my friends. 

We went to a Lebanese restaurant that I'd never been to before, and there were so many vegan options! I ended up ordering Maghmour with rice. 

Oh my gosh. It was DELICIOUS! It made me even more excited about changing my diet to a vegan one because of all the tasty meals you can come up with. I'm definitely excited to try new things!

Day 3: May 6th, 2017

Ahh, the weekend. The days I give myself permission to slip up. Well, I sure did slip up!

I got lunch with my mom at Veggie Grill (all vegan!), and I told her about my transition to the vegan diet. We later on went to the movie theater, and when I came out of the bathroom, I saw her holding a bag of popcorn with butter on it. I said, "Mom! You never take my life choices seriously!" but then I realized how thoughtful it was of her to buy us popcorn especially since it's so expensive. I changed my attitude and expressed my gratitude (Woah, was that a rhyme?!) for her thoughtfulness. I just let her have the top layer of popcorn with the butter, and I ate the bottom layer. See? It wasn't the end of the world. 

She explained to me that she thought that vegetarian and vegan diets were the same, so dairy products were okay for her. I was happy to explain to her what I know of the vegan diet.

Afterwards, we got gelato. I got the rose-raspberry sorbet with blood orange sorbet. Heaven on earth! I would usually go with the creamy gelato flavors and skip the sorbet ones, so this was new. 

My mom and I went grocery shopping together, and she bought me loads of groceries for my vegan diet. It made me happy that she is so supportive.

In the evening, I hung out with my friend, and we went to a restaurant. After looking at the menu, I honestly did not like the vegan options, so I went with the grilled albacore tuna with vegan sides, including roasted potatoes and other veggies. And that's totally okay with me since I told myself in the beginning that I can order whatever I like when I'm out with friends.


Day 4: May 7th, 2017

I did very well today! I had an amazing workout. I even started running at the gym instead of only sticking to the elliptical.

I had my favorite plain almond yogurt with berries, chia seeds, and coconut flakes.

I was out with my friend Erin in Solana Beach, and I ordered a macchiato with almond milk- so delicious!

Almond Milk Macchiato at Lofty Coffee

I later had Trader Joe's Organic Vegetarian Chili left over from my camping trip with some added roasted vegetables. It was perfect for the rainy day in May in San Diego!

I had loads of water today. Yes, I did not have enough calories today. Honestly, I did not really have an appetite today, but that's okay. I am not trying to starve myself whatsoever. I didn't feel like forcing myself to eat if I wasn't hungry.

As a study snack, I had a bowl of fresh raspberries and blueberries- delicious!

The Evolution of My Health Habits

Little Kristina

Over the past two years, I've been slowly changing my diet. My diet over my whole life has changed quite a few times. I enjoy experimenting, and I strongly believe in the phrase "Don't knock until you try it." Having been raised in a Ukrainian household, I often ate meat, potatoes, noodles, etc. When my parents divorced, my mom and I started a diet of salmon sashimi, caprese salad, and protein smoothies. We both lost quite a few pounds. Since the divorce, my mom's and my daily eating habits changed for the better since my dad wasn't around to ask for the sausages and potatoes. My weight was never really a struggle for me- I always had a healthy body since I often played sports and ate healthy at home. I guess the fast metabolism at a young age helped quite a bit as well!

Freshman 15

Well, before I say anything else, I'll just say that the "Freshman 15" is a real thing. So, BEWARE! I honestly can't believe I'm writing this, but during my first 4 months at university, I only went to the gym one time. ONE TIME. Can you believe it? I had gained so much weight that I barely recognize myself in the pictures. My face looks swollen and unhealthy in the photos.

Depression

My weight gain wasn't only due lack of exercise; it was a combination of a few things. I had depression (I realized this about 7 months later), ate unhealthy, and did not exercise. If you don't exercise, you're mood becomes worse, and you form unhealthy eating habits. It's a vicious cycle. So, if you would like to know if you may or may not have depression, please follow this link below:

Mental Health America: Depression Screening

Depression is a serious thing, and it can creep up on you in disguise. I'll save the depression talk for another post though.

Happy Hormones

I finally started losing weight, and I reached a healthy weight a few months after going to therapy for my depression.

Fact: Aerobic activity has shown to be an effective treatment for many forms of depression.

For me, exercise has been the best stress reliever and mood booster. It boosts endorphin and serotonin levels and improves body image. I sometimes stop going to the gym for weeks, and I feel awful. I'm doing my best to stay committed, and I'm glad that I've recognized that I have a tendency to get really into something and then forget about it.

Fishies and Veggies

As for my diet, I began dating a vegetarian, which made me interested in doing it too since we would often eat meals together. I started cutting out meat, such as pork and beef. I would only eat chicken. Then, I stopped buying meat and poultry altogether, and I would only eat salmon at home. If my mom prepared a meal with meat in it, I would still eat it or else it would go to waste, which to me is much worse than eating meat.

Eat Your Heart Out: From Your Lips to Your Hips

Well, that vegetarian and I broke up, and I continued eating pretty healthy. Then, I started experiencing a roller coaster of emotions, and I began to engage in emotional eating. I would think, "Wow, I deserve this delicious brie! And, oh yeah, that ice cream, too!" After a while, I could tell I was gaining a bit of weight and not feeling well. I am hypersensitive to weight gain because of the amount of weight I gained my freshman year of college. I am currently a senior (almost done!).

The Turning Point

Monday, May 1st: I ate so much food that I felt like my stomach was going to burst. I don't even know how I made it to the gym the next day; my stomach was still hurting. I ate so many treats, such as a chocolate croissant, latte, hummus, chips, etc. I realized that I did not have self discipline, and I wasn't going to lose any weight. I'm at a healthy weight, but I still have some fat on my thighs. I knew something had to change.

My Current Journey

I talked to my dear friend who leads a vegan life style, and I asked her for advice. She told me what she eats, how she exercises, and how she resists cravings. I decided then and there that from Monday to Friday, I will eat a vegan diet, and on the weekend, I will eat whatever I want when I go out with friends. At home, I will only have food that follows the vegan diet.
It's been a few days, and honestly, I feel so much more energized and fulfilled. I feel light and clear-minded. I eat as many veggies and fruits as I want until I feel full, and I still don't go over the recommended calorie amount; but, I do eat enough calories! I started exercising more, and I even started to run at the gym.
When I went out on the weekend, I did my best to choose vegan-friendly meal options, and I felt good about it. My mom bought us popcorn with butter at the movie theaters, and I didn't feel guilty because I wasn't the one who bought it, and I wasn't going to make my mom feel bad for forgetting that I'm trying to eat vegan (at first I did, then I said thank you for buying the popcorn because it was so thoughtful of her). On Saturday night, I chose albacore tuna and vegan sides since I did not see tofu on the menu. I am really happy with this gradual transition because I am excited about the health improvements that will continue to be revealed to me day after day. I already have a flatter stomach and more energy throughout the day. My cravings for food are tamed, and I am more mindful of my eating.

Let's see how this goes! Wish me luck.

Time to Clear Things Up a Bit

Every day, we are surrounded by pressure from the media to be thin in today’s society. People Instagramming about thigh gaps, articles popping up about ways to lose weight quickly to get that hot summer bod, people body shaming celebrities for putting on a bit of weight. What might not be known is that many of these people who are body shamed or are obsessed with getting thigh gaps are suffering from an eating disorder.

WHAT?!

Most people think that only people (especially women!) who are extremely skinny and bony have eating disorders. That is simply not true. There are many different kinds of eating disorders besides anorexia, such as bulimia, binge eating disorder, rumination, pica, orthorexia, avoidant-restrictive food intake disorder, etc. It’s not only skinny people have eating disorders; those who are overweight or normal weight can have an eating disorder as well! That’s why many people’s eating disorders often go undetected by others since symptoms are not always blatantly noticeable. That’s why it’s such a shock to people when a celebrity makes a public statement announcing that they are suffering from an eating disorder.

Let’s talk about Demi Lovato, for example. She was seen as one of Disney Channel’s angels who was always happy and never got into any scandals. Her fans viewed her as a happy girl who had everything she wanted. She did not look abnormally skinny; she was always smiling… what could ever be wrong with her?

“Just because you’re on Disney & you’re always smiling, they think you’re perfect & it’s obvious that nobody’s life really is.” - Demi Lovato

In 2010, Demi checked herself into rehab for bulimia nervosa and self-injury. She was suffering from bipolar disorder as well. Who would have thought?

This comes to prove my point that eating disorders are mental illnesses and are not always visible to the eye as it is psychological. You can’t just “decide” you want to be anorexic. These kinds of things are often triggered by traumatic events, when diets go awry, cultural pressure to be thin gets out of hand, and even genetics play a huge role in whether you develop the eating disorder.

Demi talked about how she was obsessed with eating food but avoided weight gain by purging in order to cope with her depressive episodes from her bipolar disorder.

Eating disorders are often co-morbid with other mental illnesses, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder or depression. People find it is a coping mechanism for their emotions, even though it is a temporary relief, and the cycle restarts each time. It is like an addiction where once it starts, it is difficult to snap out of the vicious cycle.

Anorexia Nervosa & Bulimia Nervosa

So let’s talk about the different eating disorders and their primary identifiers. How is bulimia nervosa different from anorexia nervosa?

Try not to get shocked when I tell you this, but those with anorexia nervosa are actually obsessed with food.

Um, excuse me?

Yeah, that’s right.

But not with eating food. They significantly restrict their caloric intake, but it is found that they engage in ritualistic behaviors with regards to food, like cutting food into very small pieces, making collages out of pictures of food, cooking for others, but they still won’t eat much.

You know how you get cranky and tense when you are hungry? Yeah, it’s the opposite for those with anorexia. Their anxiety is relieved when they DON’T eat food.

Those with anorexia often have perfectionist behaviors starting in early childhood. Also, those with anorexia tend to be severely underweight after a few months of having this eating disorder.

On the other hand, those who have bulimia nervosa tend to be of normal weight or are overweight. They engage in binge eating, where they have an uncontrollable appetite and can’t stop eating. At that moment, they feel happier and satisfied, but then they feel extremely guilty, leading them to engage in purging behaviors such as self-induced vomiting or excessive exercise.

Let's Get Down to the Nitty Gritty of Eating Disorders

Some interesting stuff about those with bulimia nervosa are that they have increased sensitivity to rewards, so when they give in to their binging behavior, they feel a greater satisfaction in eating than those who do not have bulimia nervosa. It is believed that bulimics have a dysregulation in serotonin levels (hormones that help regulate appetite, mood, and sleep) and dopamine levels (hormones that help regulate action and emotional responses, along with your body’s reward system). 

So when a person with bulimia has low levels of serotonin, they feel down in the dumps, so their body begins to crave food, causing them to binge eat. This causes their serotonin levels to spike, and they temporarily feel good. Who doesn't feel good after eating what they've been craving? But when it gets out of hand, and the person eats too much, they begin to feel sick and regret eating that much, causing them to engage in purging behavior.

But what about those with anorexia nervosa?

When those with anorexia nervosa are presented with food, they have a heightened risk-aversion, keeping them from desiring that food and from being hungry. They need little food to feel satisfied, and they don't feel the "rewarding" feeling of eating food like healthy people do. 

This is caused by a hypoactivation in the hypothylamic-pituitary-adrenal axis (I know, I know. Big words). It controls food motivation and appetite drive. If it's under-active, then it keeps the person from wanting to eat, which maintains the anorexia nervosa.

So they can't just "start eating" because it's not that easy. Imagine if you were completely full, the food did not look appetizing, and someone was telling you to eat it. Why in the world would you eat it then if you don't want it? That's how they feel, which comes to show that eating disorders aren't a choice, but a psychiatric disorder. 

sorry.

I'm sorry to those of you whom I have hurt this year. I'm sorry to those whom I have lost contact with. I regret losing contact with a lot of the people that I had such a great friendship with. I didn't put enough effort into preserving or working on them this year. The past year has been the hardest one for me, but I am so glad that I learned so much from it. I'm always up for a challenge, but I definitely wasn't ready for this one. I felt like the rug was pulled from under me without warning. I lost love for a lot of things that made me happy in the past, like music, concerts, art, reading, friends, family. I'm glad to say it's back now. I'm almost back to my old self again, but it's missing something: my old friends. I miss everyone, and I promise I will do my best to rekindle as many friendships as possible. Thank you to those who stuck with me no matter what. To be honest, I wouldn't have wanted to be friends with myself, so I'm surprised and extremely grateful. So, if you get a random message from me to hang out, it's because I miss you and think you're worth being friends with. If any of you want to hang out, hit me up- it always brightens my day when I hear from a friend, no matter how much I see them. Sorry for the long post, but I felt like I needed to say it in some way. Thank you. Peace.

Undisclosed Desire

He looked into Eve’s eyes

His tongue slithering back and forth

Towards her, and away.

The scent of his skin embraces the lady

In an eternal shadow

“Come now, taste it.

You will discover the wonders of the world

Explore your inner desires...”

Her ruby lips press against the irresistable delight

Yearned-for satisfaction consumes her; her pupils dialate.

The woman of Adam’s body gazes into the horizon past her fervor

The light of day dwindles as she dives deeper in her fire

Can it not be tamed?

He slithers around her, their skin touching.

Strings tighten, breath increases.

Release.

Part I

Bathe beneath the waterfall of truth, my friend
Swim away from it as if it is the end
Go! Now!
Be gone, you imbicile.
For polluting this crystalline lake
This pure river
Because of you, I cannot recognize my own reflection
The real-me distorted, confused
Who is this?
What have you done to this face?

I cry and plea as you walk away
Towards another body of water of an unknown name
I tear at your arms, hindering you from destruction.

I give up.
Do as you wish.
Destroy this earth with your insensitivity
Your selfishness
My body aches from the layers of grime and clay
I can’t move, it hurts.
What have you done? Can I live? Can I forgive?
Maybe.
One thing I know for sure:


I will be reborn.

Vivication

Fingernails peel the grime of my skin

Years of agony layered upon one another

Why can I not be so fond of myself?

I have nothing to lose

All is lost

In the netherworld of anger and spite

As I fall quietly asleep in fright

Does not the hummingbird have good flight?

When the the sun and the air collide

And produce the sweet succulent taste

Of crisp morning dew

The beginning of a new era

I am a new person

The dew clears the blood

The sweat

The tears of emotion off my body

I am reborn

We only have what we give.

It's an accomplishing feeling when I get told that I've helped someone with a problem they have, or just a listening ear for them, a shoulder to lean on. I've always been the listener in life. Maybe sometimes I'd be the talker because I doubt that I would be able to hold in all the feelings and thoughts that I have. Well, my main mission in life is to help others, and I'm pursuing a career as a doctor in the medical field, which requires helping people from the heart. I guess helping and listening to others runs in my blood~ I could never imagine not helping someone who genuinely needed aid.

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” 
― Charles Dickens

I've never been too busy to listen to someone's pain, joy, or anger. I don't know how many people there are out there that actually listen to others, but I continuously hear about how someone didn't think someone else would actually listen. Why do we live in a world in which we are afraid to share our feelings? We need to care about others; we are useless if we only think of ourselves.

So, I challenge you to either confide in someone else, or listen to someone's story. It's kind of a win-win situation. :)

<3

It's kind of a funny story.

Para você~

It's kind of funny how thoughts are all jumbled in your head. It's like a bedroom drawer- there's stuff in there you didn't even know existed, and when you look at it, all these memories flood back as if it happened yesterday. Then something happens, and it all shuffles around and stands in order. It all makes sense now. Or does it?

It's kind of funny how someone can enter your life unexpectedly and change you. Not a bad kind of change. A good one. From the moment you got to know that person, did you think that they could impact your life greatly? Did you think this relationship/friendship/whatever-you-call-it could influence what you want to do in life, or what hobbies you want to try? Did you know it would expose you to a completely different world that you didn't know much about?

I didn't.

It all kind of hit me at once today. It hit me, but still, everything is still the same. Nothing's changed. Interesting, and kind of funny.

I'm actually grateful this happened today. It made me cherish the friendship more and realize how happy I am to have them in my life. 

It doesn't necessarily have to be a "lover" or whatever. I never said mine was. The person I'm talking about is, in a way, all in one. A good friend, a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to, maybe in the future something even greater might happen. Whatever it will or will not be, I'll always be grateful for this person. Your's might be a good friend, a neighbor, a pet, a teacher. Anyone.

It's kind of funny how someone random can impact your life that much, isn't it?

P.S.

Muito obrigada por tudo, e eu te amo, meu fofinho ! <3

"The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkien

“This is a story of how a Baggins had an adventure, and found himself doing and saying things altogether unexpected.” 

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

A year ago, before I even knew that The Hobbit was to be a movie in December, someone asked me, "Have you seen the Lord of the Rings movies?" With dismay, I shook my head because I haven't seen them. Lies! I actually saw the first movie, but I don't remember a thing. So for me, it's as if I've never seen them. "HOW HAVE YOU NOT SEEN LORD OF THE RINGS?!" is always the next thing that comes after my response. I don't know why I haven't seen the movies, but honestly, I'm glad I haven't because it allowed me to embark on an unexpected journey to Middle-Earth (reference to the book series, in case you didn't know). I decided to read the books first before watching the movies because I know that once I watch the movies, those books aren't going to be read.

It was one of the most brilliant books I've ever read actually. Yes, it was written as a children's book, but in my opinion, children's books are sometimes even the best ones. Even Harry Potter, which was written in a way that a child could understand, touched the hearts of many adults and children alike across the world. And The Hobbit is no different.

Here are the beginnings from Harry Potter and The Hobbit:

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.

It's written in a similar manner. But why do so many automatically assume that a serious book is only for adults, yet a whimsical book is only for children? The book was definitely an easy read, but the story was so captivating that it was like a movie playing in my head.

The Hobbit begins with an introduction of Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit who lives in the side of a hill of Bag End. Living in a cozy hobbit-hole while reading books and cooking was the normal life-style of little Bilbo, yet things take a turn when the great wizard Gandalf makes a surprise visit to his home. Thirteen dwarves take Bilbo on an unexpected journey after barging into his little home. Accompanying a band of dwarves on a quest to The Lonely Mountain was the last thing Bilbo would have ever thought of doing, yet it would change his life completely. Even Gandalf tells him that once he returns, he will never be the same.

What I learned from this book was that no one should be afraid to disrupt their normal life routine and try something new and exciting. Bilbo never knew what he was capable of doing until he broke his traditional life style and explored new horizons. In a way, I felt like a Bilbo Baggins when I graduated from a private Christian school and went to a public high school. I was accustomed to a cozy environment without having to meet many new people besides the thirty students I saw every day. On my first day of high school, I had no one. I was a lost and lonely little hobbit. Along my journey, I met many fellow hobbits and dwarves who became my journey partners, and together, we've overcome orcs, misty mountains, and dangerous forests. Our journey's not over (one semester to go, eep!), yet we know how to get through the rest of it because of how much we've grown.

By the end of his journey, Bilbo has discovered that he is a courageous little hobbit-warrior, replacing his crochet needles with a brilliant sword. All he needed was someone to come by, drag him along on a journey, and have faith in him. It's amazing how those 3 things could change someone completely. So go ahead, if life takes you an unexpected journey, you'll be there and back again in no time, but as a different person.

“Now it is a strange thing, but things that are good to have and days that are good to spend are soon told about, and not much to listen to; while things that are uncomfortable, palpitating, and even gruesome, may make a good tale, and take a deal of telling anyway.” 

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

Cheating... the first kind.

I would prefer even to fail with honor than win by cheating. 

-Sophocles  

      On Thursday, December 20th, after a long day of finals, I visited my AP Psychology teacher, Mrs. Roberts, to give her a Christmas card that I made. Placing it on her desk, I turned around and was about to leave when she called me over. She had a grave look on her face and said, "Kristina, someone cheated off your test." I was so shocked that someone would do that since I never leave my answers out in the open. Obviously the cheater had exceptional vision if he was able to see my answers, in my opinion. I shook my head in disbelief, saying that I had no idea that this was happening. She gave me the benefit of the doubt, which made me feel terrible inside since I felt that she didn't trust me. Yet I understood that as a teacher, she should make her decision without bias. She admonished me for not being careful because in college, the professor won't care who cheated and who didn't. If your answers were the same as someone else's, voila, here's a 0%. I was about to leave when it hit me: why would someone cheat off of me if each row got a different test, and the person behind me couldn't see my answers? She was nodding at me as I asked her that because the person who cheated didn't know we had different tests, and honestly, after that moment, I felt sorry for that person. I didn't pity them for getting caught; I pitied them for their stupidity. Yes, it can be rude to say that, but they were stupid to even think about cheating. From the very beginning, I've put blood, sweat, and tears into studying and doing my best in all my classes, and that cheater believed he could get away with his laziness. So, moral of the story is, no matter how you cheat, you're going to get caught. Whether it's your teacher, boss, friend, or even your conscious that might get to you, the consequences of lying and cheating are agonizing. It's not worth it. The lesson I learned from this situation was to be careful and not so naïve. I honestly trusted all these students, and I thought that all of them knew that the tests were different. Obviously, some of us aren't the brightest crayons in the box. And at that moment, I was one of those dull-colored crayons for not being careful. Thankfully, no bad consequences were seen in this situation, but I'm glad this happened during high school and not in college, where my entire career could be jeopardized.

P.S. Karma has a good sense of humor. ;)

Love yourself

To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now.

-Alan Cohen 

One of the hardest things in life for me was to learn to love myself for who I was. I would constantly bring myself down, telling myself how I wasn't liked by anyone, that my teeth were crooked, that I wasn't as skinny as the other girls. After going through a difficult time with accepting myself and not pretending to be someone else, I finally defeated that little devil inside me that constantly said, "You're not pretty enough. You're not good enough. You'll never have friends. People don't like you." During this time, I turned toward Jesus, who is my friend and savior. I prayed to Him constantly, and he listened. Consoling in him relieved my heart of the pain I carried. Jesus took my backpack of insecurities and carried them for me along the way to my success, which was loving myself for who I am. I won't delve in to anymore detail of how I overcame it, but I'll talk about it in the future. This experience and rocky journey has motivated me to try things that I've never imagined trying. These things were so simple yet life-changing. Now, as a young adult (I still can't believe I'm 18 now!), I've learned to not judge myself, and that has led me to become accepting of others. Obviously, as a human being, I'm going to judge at times, but it's because of my personal set of morals, etc. It's human nature, peeps! ;) I do have my flaws, like being lazy at times, or overly sarcastic, or procrastinating. Those are things that can be easily fixed... tomorrow. :D But as a whole, I've changed substantially; I've become a compassionate and altruistic person, looking up to my mother and Jesus as selfless role models. All this has been achieved through learning to love myself dearly, and I hope my little vignettes could be of some use to you :) <3